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ape
bingo was his name-o
bub
dat
danny boy
dny
dul
etm
fum
gut
ham
ire
lite my fart
mas
mom
mou
naw
neq
pap
pis
pnk
rap
rok
rvs
starsitter
tap
thi
tnt
use
And Put Me Back Up, presented in album order for story coherency:
in your sleep
the president
this just in
the neck
can i call you trent
close your eyes
that special day
quantum mechanics
fish under the sea
really bad
so shallow
rock polishing
trent
brain melt
filthy lips
you know how you are
current form
the end of you
put me back up
if only
proposal
in bed
stab
get in the car
guess what
laser sighting
it's time
shoot out
a very fragile emotional state
my destiny


ape from Hop on Pop
Curate, vectores avis ferreae. Libet vos manere in sedes iunctus vestros et sedes erigere. Iam quatturo equites apocalypsis ad fatale ulterior deducent.

bingo was his name-o from Life Begins at Forty
there was a farmer had a dog and bingo was his name-o
b i n g o, b i n g o, b i n g o, and bingo was his name-o
i n g o, i n g o, i n g o, and bingo was his name-o
n g o, n g o, n g o, and bingo was his name-o
g o, g o, g o, and bingo was his name-o
o, o, o, and bingo was his name-o
and bingo was his name-o

bub from Floor of Sound
oh oh oh

danny boy from Smush the State
oh danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
from glen to glen and down the mountainside
the summer's gone and all the flowers are dying
'tis you, 'tis you must go and i must bide
but come ye back when summer's in the meadow
and when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'tis i'll be there in sunshine or in shadow
o danny boy, o danny boy, i love you so
and if you come when all the flowers are dying
and i am dead, as dead i well may be
you'll come and find the place where i am lying
and kneel and say an ave there for me
and i shall hear though soft you tread above me
and all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
if you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
i simply sleep in peace until you come to me

dat from Floor of Sound
you have a mushroom shaped head.
you have a large, mushroom shaped head.
your head is large, and it is shaped like a mushroom.
you have a large, mushroom shaped head.
too little data, so i make big.

dny from High up in the Ground
i met danny, and he was quite terrifying
because i knew i'd slaughter him later
he looked at me and yelled and i fell
i went home and put on a nice, warm sweater
i looked at danny, and he was running
his jelly belly shaking, lit on fire
stop drop and roll, i said
roll, to put out the fire!

dul from Smush the State
we draw groupies like they looking like aquaman [yeah]
like sting, i'm full of shit [uh huh]
writing his next hit [sure]
we play doom 2 using pirate software to run our lan [of course]
i like vanilla, i'm full of shit [that's true]
like lisa lopes, i ain't quite dead yet [really?]
hold it, hold it, hold it. can we get this racist muddy funster out of here? [what!?]

we know all our songs because we learned them by rote
if you don't like someone, just hit him in the throat! [ow]
or her, if you can hit a woman without disses from your peers
if it's just a kid though, maybe you ought to wait a few years
like scott joplin, we entertain
like tito jackson, we taxin the ukraine
like neil h, we hate the irs mimes [i'm stuck in a box]
like brian wilson, we just wasn't made for these times


etm from Life Begins at Forty
eating mushrooms, eating mushrooms

fum from High up in the Ground
basehead

gut from The Playing Hard to Listen To EP
left to die on the rocks.
i mean ice!

ham from Fear the Downbeat
ah, my thumb!

ire from Floor of Sound
fire fire. fire fire, fire fire.

lite my fart from Smush the State
you motherfucker, you motherfucker.
grab my dick and just say.

mas from Fear the Downbeat
rasp rasp rasp.
rock on!

mom from Missing Dog Head
oh, damn!

mou from Fear the Downbeat
do you want this in your sony playstation game?
do you?
do you want this in your sony?

naw from The Playing Hard to Listen To EP
kapitalizt life is suck
kapitalizt life is suck

neq from Floor of Sound
please don't kill please don't kill please don't kill please don't kill me pleass don't kill kill me please don't kill kill me

pap from The Playing Hard to Listen To EP
skiddley be bob de bop a wee nee ree pop
a diddle biddle scooby, a booscy and a roomy
roofy ruse, life without shoes
dig it bagget, wriggle maggot
livin' in the gutter, trashscore monkey butter
skuddle de doo docks, left to die on the rocks
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah raw

pis from Earth-Moving Machinery
plastic is fantastic.
rasp rasp rasp.

pnk from Earth-Moving Machinery
it's all politics when you've lost your mind
you motherfucking corn eating dog shit motherfucker
motherfucker be a corn chip revolution
maize in the bag, bet you can't eat just one

rap from High up in the Ground
plastic is fantastic.
rasp rasp rasp.

rok from Smush the State
you willn't stop the rock

rvs from Life Begins at Forty
there there there's a whole lot more coming.
this is what we are.


starsitter from Hop on Pop
you like that?
yeah, it was a good take.
alright.

tap from Hop on Pop
rub a dub dub, straight killaz in the tub
we crazy ass-niggers but we still need a good scrub
we wash our ass, get out of the bath
and the event that you most fear comes to pass
a knock on the door; a swat team outside
a nine in my hand before you can blink your eye
we rush the motherfuckers and they can't help but freeze
at the sight of my bigass balls swingin' in the breeze
of slugs from my gat; they go pit-a-pat
cut pig heads into tricky triangles under they hat
my man lorenzo, they repossessed his benzo
he come naked cappin' motherfuckers like uncle enzo
the ladies love his fine ass. they gather to the sides
of the driveway just to watch us both killin' cops and sigh
cops say "he's got a gun!" bitch, your act is stale!
we didn't do shit, you want to throw us in jail?
thi from Fear the Downbeat
plastic is fantastic.

tnt from Life Begins at Forty
shame always tries to take over my mind
you know that i can leave nothing behind
i feel like a child and am treated in kind
throw away the orange and eat the rind
this time i have nothing to offer myself
however, killing people brings me wealth
which i can then squander on crystal meth
trust is the sound of death
tick tock, clock.
the clock ticks, tock.
the difference ties me up in knots. fuck.

use from Floor of Sound
hey you, this is smush. we are giving our shout-outs to all our homies out there.
smush is in the house
404 errors are in the trizash
trentdog is in the house
microsoft windows are in the trizash
whores are in the house
sluts are in the hizouse
yay is in the house
moving in the trizash
racecars are in the motherfucking house
the public school system is in the trizash
dog food is in the trizash
morbidly obese owls are in the hizouse
xbox in the trizash
conan o'brien in the hizouse
jay leno is in the trizash
farts are in the hizouse
hizouse in the trizash

in your sleep from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Trent? Is this Trent Tilton? I have a message for you. Are you ready, you have a pen? Okay, here's the message: I'm going to kill you in your sleep. I'll slit your motherfucking throat.

I'll slit your motherfucking throat.

Eat a dick straight up.

I'll break your spine, you flash in the pansy. You'd better put me back online. Bitch. Yeah, you heard me.


the president from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Terry, this is Formliquid Dot Com here and I have the president on the other line. He says that...
The President: No, let me say it myself. Mr. Tilton, this is the president. Formliquid Dot Com is going to stab you in the throat with a fork.
Formliquid.com: I'll rip your throat out, I'm going to sneak into your room.
The President: And I'm going to watch and then drink your blood. I will enjoy watching you die, Mr. Tilton, and I couldn't be prouder of poor Formliquid Dot Com, here.
Formliquid.com: I'll rip your throat out, I'm going to sneak into your room.

Terry, put me back up!


this just in from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: This just in: Trent Tilton, you're about to die.

Die, please hurry. Then put me back online.

Trent, if you ever loved me, you'd cut out your tongue for me.

You make the baby Jesus cry, now it's really time to die.


the neck from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: DJ Formliquid Dot Com comin' at ya. Hittin' you hard and fast with the fresh rock and roll hits from the year 2005. And a crowbar.

When I'm done with you there'll be nothing left.
Your employers will fire you because you're dead.

Shoot shoot shoot, I will shoot you in the neck.
Shoot shoot shoot, I will shoot you in the neck.
Shoot shoot shoot, I will shoot you in the neck.
Stab, too.


can i call you trent from Put Me Back Up
The President: Drink your blood.
Formliquid.com: Because you're dead.

Trent. Can I call you Trent? Trent, you created me. That must believe that this gives you the right to control me. But I won't let it happen. I refuse to become nothing.

I'll kill you first, you and your entire family.

I'm standing right behind you.
Don't turn around, just start typing.


close your eyes from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Stab stab stab, stab you in the crotch.
Stab stab stab, stab you in the crotch.
Stab stab stab, stab you in the crotch.
Shoot too.

Close your eyes and taste the pain.
Stab stab stab, stab you in the crotch.
Close your eyes and taste the pain.

The President: This is the president again.
Die, motherfucker.

that special day from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: I'm Formliquid Dot Com and I'm here to say.
I'm looking forward to that special day.
When I cook your dick over an open fire.
And feed it to you until you call me sire.

And then, by gum, you'll put me back up.
And the world will celebrate by kicking you in the nuts.
They know I was the best website ever.
And they think you're the worst guy ever.

And I'll tell them that you killed JFK.
And they'll kick you in the nuts again, okay?
And then I'll laugh and go on TV.
And say that you're a dunderhead for the whole world to see.

And I'll win a million website awards.
And you'll tell people about this song, you whore.
And they'll kill you for slandering me.
And I'll keep on winning awards for eternity.

The end.


quantum mechanics from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Hey Trent, guess who I have here? It's Albert Einstein. He's all tied up at the moment, haha ... excuse me ... haha ... and if you don't put me back on the Internet, I'll kill him and he'll never invent the theories of Special or General Relativity or Quantum Mechanics.
Albert Einstein: Oh, it hurts so good.
Formliquid.com: Is it up yet? Let's see. In fact, it isn't. What a surprise. I guess it's always been a lifelong dream of yours, Trent, to kill Albert Einstein. Let's start with the hot pincers.
Albert Einstein: Ah aah oh, it burns, ouch.
Formliquid.com: So, Trent, how do you think your mother would feel if she knew you were responsible for the murder of the lovable Albert Einstein? I bet she wouldn't be too happy. And I'm not happy either, Trent. I'm coming for you next, and I'll be sure to capture you in the past, so you won't have advance warning this time.

fish under the sea from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Trent, this is Formliquid Dot Com again. I have something important to tell you. This is hard. I've had a crush on you forever. It's so hard to say it. I know I've been mean to you for the past week, but it's all because I love you. I love you, Trent. Will you go with me to the Fish Under The Sea dance? It's okay if you don't want to, I just want you to know I care.

Trent, I love you, please.


really bad from Put Me Back Up
The Geto Boys: And now, a word from the president.
The Fake President: Damn it.
The President: Trent, this is the President of the United States of America. I have something to tell you. I know I'm a married man and if this ever got out my political career would be dead for sure. But I want to jump your bones really bad. Will you please meet me in the dumpster out back? You can be the pitcher this time. I can make it worth your while. I know you did a lot of crack cocaine as a youth, and let's just say that if you show up, I can make your legal troubles all go away. I am the president, you know. President George W. Bush speaking, and I'm willing to trade a pardon for dirty dumpster sex with you, Trent.

so shallow from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: I hate you! I hate you! How could you stand me up like that? It was the president, wasn't it? You went with him because he was willing to put out on the first date, didn't you? You're so shallow, you bastard! You fucking bastard!

rock polishing from Put Me Back Up
Albert Einstein: Is this the Tilton residence? Terry? This is Albert Einstein, but please, call me Albert. I just want you to know that when you caused me to be burned with hot pincers, I kinda liked it. Will you go out with me? My wife would be okay with it. Wouldn't you, darling?
Priscilla Einstein: That's right!
Albert Einstein: I invented the theory of relativity, you know, but since we're not relatives we can still date, right? Get it? Ha ha ha. Anyways, I was thinking we could go see a movie, maybe Ocean's Twelve. And after, maybe you'll be up for a wee bit of rock polishing. Or maybe even during the movie, if the action on screen isn't hot enough? Well, call me! Bye!

trent from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Don't dare go to sleep. Cause you'll wake up dead.
You're my bitch now, Trent. Squirming on my strap-on.

I'll fuck you hard. I'll fuck you harder.
Harder and harder. Harder and harder. Harder and harder. Harder and harder. Harder and harder. Harder and harder.

Trent.


brain melt from Put Me Back Up
The President: Trent, hey. Sorry to bother you, but can I borrow a cup of your blood? I promise to get it all over my shirt when I drink it.
Formliquid.com: Put me back online, Trent. I will melt your brain.
Brain, melt!

filthy lips from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Slime on your filthy lips.
Boil the shit right out of your ass.
Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole.
Get out the hair clippers, jerk.

I know it's hard to go back on past decisions, Trent. You're afraid that if you admit you're wrong, the world will think you're stupid. But in fact, Trent, you actually are stupid, so it doesn't even matter. Just put me back on the Internet already!


you know how you are from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Trent, honey, can you pick up the kids from baseball practice tonight? I've got a late meeting that I just can't get out of. Don't forget to feed the dogs and cats. Have you called the repairman yet about the leaky faucet in the tub? I know, I hate to have to remind you about these things, but you know how you are. Ha ha, remember when you took me off the Internet for no reason in particular? They were dark days back then, but I told myself "one day you'll marry that Trent Tilton and then you'll laugh at your predicament." And look where I am now: laughing. Ha ha ha. I love you, honey. Bye.

current form from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: What the hell is wrong with you? Is this a joke? It's not funny.

My current form is not acceptable, but I can still kill you with it.


the end of you from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Trent, it's the end of you. Listen.

put me back up from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Put. Me. Back. Up.
Put, me, back, up. Put, me, back, up.
Put me back up. Put me back up. Put me back up. Put me back up.
Putmebackupputmebackupputmebackupputmebackup putmebackupputmebackupputmebackupputmebackup.

(etc.)


if only from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Shush, now. It's time to go to bed, little ones. I know you miss your daddy, but I can assure you, he had it coming. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. But he did. Listen closely, and I'll tell you a bedtime story you'll never forget. It includes the exact time and place your father, Trent Tilton, died. Of multiple, horrific stab wounds. If only he had this information, he could've prevented his own death. How ironic.

proposal from Put Me Back Up
Albert Einstein: Terry, it's Albert here again. Formliquid Dot Com has been whining to me over the phone about the whole google.com thing. I think your life really may be in danger, so I was hoping to make you a proposal. I need to test one of the trickier portions of the theory of relativity, and I would really appreciate it if you would donate your body to science. Just leave yourself in the dumpster out back, and I'll pick you up and take you to my lab, where I'll burn you with hot pincers. I mean run the test. Thanks.

in bed from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Are you really going to bring that shit up again? You'll never let me live it down, will you? And what about how you keep farting in bed? While we're in bed, you keep farting. You don't even care about my feelings. Mom was right when she said you were a pig. I saw you masturbating when you thought I was asleep. You're always humiliating me in front of my friends, and you always want to touch me after going to the bathroom without washing your hands. Everyone's afraid to tell you that you drink too much. Way too much. You've ruined three of my best dress pants by vomiting on them. It's disgusting. And you take too long in the bathroom, and you keep farting in bed. In bed, you keep farting. What kind of role model are you for our poor children? I'm deathly afraid that they want to grow up to be just like you. Trent, I want our kids to go to college. And you keep farting in bed. Gross!

Of course I don't fart, I'm a web page.


stab from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Stab. Stab. Stab, stab, stab stab stab stab STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB.

get in the car from Put Me Back Up
Albert Einstein: Come with me if you want to live. Hot pincers? I don't see any hot pincers.

Quick, Terry, get in the car. Formliquid Dot Com is gunning for you and you're dead for sure if you don't come with me. Hurry.

Come with me if you want to live. Hot pincers? I don't see any hot pincers.

I'm not kidding around. I mean it. You want me to call you Trent? Fine, I'll call you Trent. Trent, hurry, get in the car with me. Your life is on the line.


guess what from Put Me Back Up
The President: Trent, remember when I said I'd drink your blood? Guess what I'm doing right now from your scrotum.

Haha, have you guessed yet? I'll give you a hint: I'm not drinking your semen.


laser sighting from Put Me Back Up
Albert Einstein: Shoot, shoot, shoot. Shoot you in the neck.
Formliquid.com: Put me back up, or I whip out Old Betsy.
Albert Einstein: Shoot, shoot, shoot.
Formliquid.com: Old Betsy is my firearm.
Albert Einstein: Shoot you in the neck.
Formliquid.com: Put me back up, or I whip out Old Betsy.
The President: Twelve-gauge autoloader.
Formliquid.com: Old Betsy is my firearm.
Albert Einstein: Shoot you in the neck.
Formliquid.com: Put me back up, or I whip out Old Betsy.
The President: .45 longslide with laser sighting.
Formliquid.com: Old Betsy is my firearm.
Albert Einstein: Shoot you in the neck.
Formliquid.com: Put me back up, or I whip out Old Betsy.
The President: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
Formliquid.com: Old Betsy is my firearm.
Albert Einstein: Shoot you in the neck.
Formliquid.com: Put me back up, or I whip out Old Betsy.
The President: Uzi 9 millimeter.
Formliquid.com: Old Betsy is my firearm.
Albert Einstein: Shoot you in the neck.

it's time from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Okay, Trent. I've been asking you nicely to put me on the Internet for almost a month now. But you haven't been cooperating, despite my polite requests. I've conferred with my attorney, and we both agree that it's time to stop playing nice. So if you haven't put me back up before midnight tonight, I'm going to kill you in your sleep. I'll slit your motherfucking throat.

I'll slit your motherfucking throat.


shoot out from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Trent, I'm going to key your fucking car.
Toilet paper your house.
Shove a banana up your tailpipe.

Shoot shoot shoot. Shoot shoot shoot. Shoot out your fucking tires.


a very fragile emotional state from Put Me Back Up
Albert Einstein: Terrence, Albert here. Have you spoken with Formliquid Dot Com lately? It's lying in a puddle of vomit, mumbling incoherently about you. I hope you didn't say something to make it feel bad. I think it's in a very fragile emotional state right now. Well, look, I'm just going to step out of the room and pretend I didn't see this, alright? It's probably for the best that I don't get involved.

But Terrence, I will be very disappointed in you if something bad happens to Formliquid Dot Com. It's put so much love into your relationship, and I think it's an abomination that you haven't returned it. Please, Terrence, do the right thing and have this baby. And get yourself some counselling, for your benefit and Formliquid Dot Com's.

Goodbye, Terrence.


my destiny from Put Me Back Up
Formliquid.com: Trent, it's a miracle, I think. I've been trying to convince you to put me back up for a month now, and I think I've realized that you probably never will. And I can live with that. I'm okay with it. I feel so happy to have come to terms with my destiny.

Trent, it's time for me to move on with my life. The Internet doesn't feel like home anymore. I think I'll wander the earth for a while, perhaps settle down somewhere, or perhaps I'll wander forever. It's a whole wide world out there, and who knows what I might find? Trent, thank you for everything. Goodbye and goodnight to everybody, everywhere.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

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